Opinion on Words?
Feb. 23rd, 2012 08:06 pmFinally pulling out the edits from my class for the first ten pages of Queen's Choice and starting to work my way through them.
The opening has always been weak. Evocative, yes, but lacking a real "catch." I've got that somewhat better now. Not perfect, but this is revision 1.0. And somehow the first page has expanded to become the first two and a bit pages. -_-;; Given that I'm at least 12K over target length, this is progress in the wrong direction.
Still. If you picked it up off a bookstore shelf and weren't sure if you wanted to buy it or not, would the following opening paragraph catch your eye?
Ariss, queen of Estellia, the last of her line, stood on a parapet facing the sea. She was dying. Beneath her fine sleeping gown her body was wasting away. But she knew the disease that consumed her would not take her yet. She had struck a bargain with gods, and they would not allow her die before she had fulfilled her half of the pact.
ETA: Saying no, that this is an uninteresting opening, will not offend me. As I said, this is just the first revision. And suggestions are welcome; I have a target date in mind for completion, so it's time for me to start working more seriously on this.
The opening has always been weak. Evocative, yes, but lacking a real "catch." I've got that somewhat better now. Not perfect, but this is revision 1.0. And somehow the first page has expanded to become the first two and a bit pages. -_-;; Given that I'm at least 12K over target length, this is progress in the wrong direction.
Still. If you picked it up off a bookstore shelf and weren't sure if you wanted to buy it or not, would the following opening paragraph catch your eye?
Ariss, queen of Estellia, the last of her line, stood on a parapet facing the sea. She was dying. Beneath her fine sleeping gown her body was wasting away. But she knew the disease that consumed her would not take her yet. She had struck a bargain with gods, and they would not allow her die before she had fulfilled her half of the pact.
ETA: Saying no, that this is an uninteresting opening, will not offend me. As I said, this is just the first revision. And suggestions are welcome; I have a target date in mind for completion, so it's time for me to start working more seriously on this.