On Being Too Close To Your Own Material

[sakon76]

My writing class teacher is going on a cruise for two weeks. We've already had one doubled-up week, and will have another later to make up for the classes for which she'll be gone. Our class this week has been shifted to tonight. So last night I spent some time with my homework, which is editing my classmates' ten-page submissions. Four this week, plus one I'd held over from last week since I needed more time to do it justice.

I find it vaguely offensive that one of my classmates, who is also trying to hammer her finished book into saleable shape, apparently doesn't re-read her edited pages before turning them in to us. I read some of her sentences aloud and they literally made no sense due to what she'd removed or inserted. However, it fascinates me how easily I could see what needed fixing on her opening page when I'm having so much difficulty with my own!

Then there's the classmate who's writing a Lovecraft inspired thriller. This entry had duelling Magick workers. It warranted comments from me along the lines of "Other than for salaciousness, is there a reason she's naked?" There was also the scene where the evil Sex Magick "forever removed their ability to have sex ever again." That got a question about if the Evil Sex Magick turned them into genital-less Ken and Barbie dolls... and a correction that it was their lust that was permanently removed.

Words. They are important. Know what they actually mean.

Comments

[shefytbast.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it's definitely a lot easier to see fixes for someone else's work. Although time helps--I went back to a piece that I haven't worked on in months, and I was easily able to cut a lot of excessive verbiage, since I wasn't as attached to it anymore.

Co-ed Naked Magick Dueling. There should be a T-shirt.

Seeing you working on your revisions has inspired me to start poking at my own stories, btw. ^_^

[haamel.livejournal.com]

I will give this writer a small amount of credit for deploying Sex Magick which results in... less sex. The standard formulation typically involves mind control, energy harvesting, soul theft, or all of the above. It's unusual enough to almost merit an inquiry into what prompted the notion of lust removal as Evil(tm). All the more ironic then that it is a Lovecraft spinoff.

[sakon76.livejournal.com]

The scene actually does involve mind control and energy harvesting. And he's implied verbally that none of the (bespelled) participants will survive the scene, so soul theft may well be in there too. I think his intent was that their lust was just another power source to be permanently stolen and used to fuel Teh Great Evil. So, alas, a less novel approach than might seem the case.

[haamel.livejournal.com]

Pretty standard-issue, then. This is the sort of thing that raised hackles when a few early Western viewers of anime saw parts of the Cream Lemon canon (Demon City Astaroth, if I recall aright), and then REALLY raised hackles when combined with violence in the infamous (if, slightly, overmaligned) Urotsukidouji. Season the sexy magic with ninja stuff and you get "injutsu", the "sexcraft" that figures into titles like La Blue Girl, Mamono Hunter Youko, and far too many other titles to list. The draining of lust specifically may be a bit unusual; either temporary "energy" drain or permanent "life" (or "soul") drain is the more typical outcome.

Duelling sexcraft practitioners is all good by me, IF it's done in the service of engaging plot and characters. I am gathering that was not the case here...