[rd][fic][Transformers '07 movie] Splinters

[sakon76]

Splinters
by K. Stonham
prereleased 1st April 2008

"Right," Will said, looking up at the truck's undercarriage. "You've got something stuck up in there but good."

"Will you please stop talking and get. It. Out," Ironhide griped.

"Hold your horses," Will retorted, tugging on the heavy leather gloves that had previously laid on his stomach. He flicked on his maglight and clenched it in his teeth as he felt around in the transformed robot's internals. "Geez, what'd you do?" he asked, slurring his words around the flashlight. "Run over a tree?"

"None of your business," Ironhide retorted.

Will rolled his eyes and concentrated until he found what felt like the thickest part of the branch. "What did I tell you about off-roading?" he asked rhetorically. "Hold still," he instructed, gripping and yanking as best he could from his admittedly suboptimal position.

"That fragging hurts!" Ironhide bellowed.

"Shut it," Will bit out around the flashlight. "You bitch worse than my daughter when she got her shots."

Ironhide whined as the greenery slowly shifted under the pressure Will exerted on it, until it finally moved, and then came out all at once, nearly impaling Will as it did so.

He blinked, wiping the sweat of exertion off his forehead, then plucked the light from between his teeth. "Better?" he asked.

Ironhide rumbled, sounding for all the world like a distant thunderstorm. "That seems to be the worst of it," he admitted.

"You're welcome," Will retorted, and started wiggling out from underneath the Autobot-turned-truck.

"You," Ironhide muttered lowly, "are--"

*

"--worse than Ratchet," Bumblebee swore.

"Quit your bitching," Sam replied, examining the three-inch-long nail held in the pair of pliers he wielded. He looked up at his friend. "That it," he asked, "or do I need to check your other tires too?"

"That feels like it," the Cybertronian replied, absently flexing the elbow where the tire was located.

"I told you to go under the limit in the neighborhood," Sam reminded him. "I told you old man Druthers salts the road with nails. But did you listen to me? Noooo. I've only lived here all my life."

"All right! I'll drive more slowly from now on," Bumblebee replied. "On surface streets, at least," he added.

Sam grinned, and looked at the nail again. "You win," he said. "Biggest splinter I ever got was only an inch long. Took forever for my mom to get it out, too. Hurt like a sonuvabitch."

"Hmm." Bumblebee leaned back against the wall of the garage, careful lest it failed under his weight. "Camping?" he asked.

"Worse. Second grade playground," Sam answered. "The jungle gym was made out of wood back then."

"Proportionately, you still win," Bumblebee said thoughtfully.

"Proportions have nothing to do with it," Sam replied. "Miles got a nail this size through his foot once. His neighbors were having their roof redone and Miles and his mom kept finding nails in their backyard for months afterwards. He still has the scar."

"Ouch," Bumblebee said sympathetically.

"Yup. He still has the nail as a trophy too."

Bumblebee eyed the nail in Sam's hand. "I'll pass."

Comments

Here o' knights who say ni

[yuuzaiden.livejournal.com]

That's hilarious because the nail in foot thing happened to my sister too.
I kinda wished we'd kept it...
I love this.
It's awesome!!!

[desolate-joker.livejournal.com]

Oowwwwww! DX
Ironhide's bitching makes me LOL - and poor Bee! And wow, Miles sounds even worse!
Coincidently, I had to pull out a sewing needle of my foot the other day (although it wasn't nearly as bad as these incidents!)

[ko-pilot.livejournal.com]

[hoppersnail.livejournal.com]

Cuteness! I love the idea of Transformers with splinters. Usually you just see them getting limbs torn off, or big gaping holes blasted through them...

[swany10.livejournal.com]

Ugh, I have to admit I was a bit too grossed out straight away. Mostly 'casue of the idea of keeping something that poked though your skin.

Sam is kinda like my mum "I've told you to be careful, this is what you get"

Anyway, I got a good giggle out of this, so like no matter what planet your from, skelfs are the biggest threat to existeance. Or at least the one most likely to make you cry and bitch like a little girl.

Also I lol'd at hide for very nearly being a good exaple of "A stick up the assaft.

[(Anonymous)]

Post it up at FF.net!! XD

Splinters? Plenty -- family occasionally improvise our own furniture and I took Wood in high school. Nail? Not in my life but younger sibling once had a screw up the nose -- freaked the docs out, but mercifully no lasting effects.

[pax_athena]

This one is absolutely wonderful - both the idea and the tone it is written in :) Awesome!

[ladyrhiannon873.livejournal.com]

This fic is so FTW!Does this mean that Ironhide and Sam have to get tetanus shots,if TF have to get those?Those hurt like an SOB!

[drharper.livejournal.com]

Lovely, lovely! Have a shiny, new Internets!

[ryagelle.livejournal.com]

Love this! I can sympathize with Bee--I stepped barefoot on a nail that size when I was a kid--it hurts like you wouldn't believe... O.O
And Will and Sam's reactions to the 'splinters' are hilarious. XD

[mmouse15.livejournal.com]

Ironhide made me laugh, big baby that he is. Good job capturing typical reactions to having splinters on everybody's part. I enjoyed this.

[robin99.livejournal.com]

Nicely written :)

[tricolora.livejournal.com]

A splinter of only an inch? Damn, boy, I don't think that qualifies as a splinter anymore! Though at least Sam's had that experience, what with jungle gyms being all plastic and padded nowadays... sigh. C'mon kids, man up!

Refreshing, highly enjoyable! Good to see the humans are good for something. :D

[jjsngadget.livejournal.com]

me too. i've even got pencil led above my boob, still don't know how i managed that one.

OP: love the tree splinter. question: can th ebots feel through their rubber tires, i always thought they were like shoes on a human.