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sakon76Hah. Finally finished. I blame the Hitachiins for having me stalled one and a half scenes from the end for most of today. But now I can go back to writing Princess Tutu fic. Oh, and I don't think this is in the same mien as "The Education of Haruhi Fujioka" because it doesn't have the same feel to it. Nonetheless it tackles the same OT3.
They didn't, not right away. It was one thing to have your friends figure out things on their own. It was another to tell the girl you liked that you and your brother and yourselves were freaks. Not when she liked you and laughed with you sometimes and had the desk between both of yours. They wanted to... they just couldn't. It felt like being in kindergarten all over again, wanting to go play with the other children but being frozen by sure knowledge of difference and rejection. The open door of possibility could shut itself by the implications of what might be on the other side, leaving them alone together again.
Kaoru said that telling her didn't have to include a confession as well. Hikaru replied that if they were going to tell her, they should tell her everything. Kaoru didn't see why. Hikaru replied that it was the principle of honesty. Haruhi just looked back and forth between the two of them and remarked that she felt like they were having a conversation behind her back. That shut them up and started them vocalizing a conversation about a different topic with her.
In their more honest moments they admitted to themselves that they were hoping she would be like the other Host Club members and approach them about the subject. They also knew that smacked of cowardice. So in the end, they settled on a compromise. They didn't tell Haruhi per se, but in-club they did drop some (though not all) of the pretenses they kept up around other people. Tamaki still hadn't twigged to their card-sharking him, though, and grabbed Haruhi to be his partner after all the other club members refused. She kept looking at the twins more often than her cards, though, and while the puzzled look on her face was close to the cutest thing ever, Tamaki's jealousy was even more amusing.
She kept watching them for the better part of two weeks, and Hikaru and Kaoru wondered what was going through her head. They were "normal" in class and while entertaining clients, but before and after hours of operation, they peeled back a few of the defensive layers they kept about themselves. They didn't bother as much with the studied differences in their ways of speaking and moving, letting their voices become more similar again. They sometimes sat conversing silently instead of making noise so that others felt more comfortable. They leaned against one another, shoulder to shoulder, back to back, instead of standing or sitting at an enforced difference and touching only in a "brothers and friends" manner. Personal space, in fact, disappeared. And they stopped "accidentally" bumping into one another entirely, releasing the illusion that they didn't always know exactly where one another were. For some reason, the two of them letting down their guard seemed to make the rest of the club relax a little as well. Mori smiled a little bit more. Honey's cuteness wasn't quite as hyperactive. Kyouya sent fewer raised eyebrows in their direction. Tamaki just seemed happier in general. It wasn't that they hadn't wanted real friends, they finally concluded, it was that they'd always thought that they couldn't have them. But somehow none of their sempai really seemed to mind either knowing or seeing that they were different than everyone else.
...It felt good to be accepted for themselves.
They were doing a Victorian theme day when Haruhi finally asked. They admired her pearl-gray suit and they liked the way her large eyes peeked out from beneath the top hat. "Why have the two of you been--" she started.
Hikaru hushed her with a finger on her lips. Kaoru glanced around and made sure Tamaki was elsewhere, discussing final plans for the theme with Kyouya. Silently they agreed it was the right moment. "You said once that the two of us might look alike but we were really completely different people," Hikaru reminded her.
She nodded. "Yes, but...."
"We are and we aren't," Kaoru said. Her eyes were confused. He leaned in close from the side and whispered a secret into her ear. "What one of us knows, we both do. What one thinks, the other does as well. What one feels, we both feel."
"Even when we're apart," Hikaru murmured to her, watching shades of expression cross her face.
"That's not possible," Haruhi refuted.
"There are more things in heaven and earth, my dear Haruhi, than are dreamt of in your philosophy," they informed her together.
"But that's for you to discover," Hikaru said blithely, straightening and adjusting her hat.
Kaoru tugged at the tails of her mourning coat, adjusting the lay of the garment. "Watch and see," he agreed.
They both took a step back and examined their handiwork. They grinned and gave a thumbs-up. "Perfect!" they said together. Her eyes were still bewildered, but this was Haruhi and she was passive-aggressive at best. Still it felt like a cold lump of fear in their stomachs as they went to Kyouya to get their client listing for the day. She knew, and while they were giving her time to absorb the information, to let it click into place with their behavior of recent weeks....
For the first time, they realized that liking someone the way they liked Haruhi meant handing them the power to hurt you.
*
They slept in tangled dreams that night and woke up as each other. They tied each other's ties that morning, as always, because anything I can do for myself I can do for you as well. They were mirrors before their mirror, and their mood was heavy and depressed, like the humid air before a summer rainstorm. There was an English test that day and they stumbled through it with less than their usual verve, identical marks on identical pieces of paper even with Haruhi's desk between them, and they did think that had been a clever bit of positioning on the part of the teacher when they'd been assigned desks this year. It wasn't obviously separating them but it was still an attempt to stop them from "cheating" off of one another. Too bad it was doomed to failure.
Haruhi stopped them for a moment as they were on their way out of the classroom to get lunch in the cafeteria. She already had her commoner's lunchbox out on her desk, of course, and her English textbook as well. She looked back and forth between the two of them, then simply asked "Why are you switched today?"
"It happens sometimes," Hikaru bluntly answered.
"We don't know why," Kaoru agreed.
"I see," she said, and went back to her studying.
They thought about it as they walked down to the cafeteria. They didn't know what she really thought yet (Hikaru thought she was still processing the information), but at least she hadn't jumped up, shrieked "Kya, you freaks!" and fled the classroom.
...Not that she would, Kaoru pointed out. Haruhi wasn't a very girly girl and certainly not the type to have that reaction even if the thought did disturb her. Still, they wanted her to like them. Even if she ended up with someone else, they thought they could deal with it. As long as they were still at least friends.
When had they ever wanted someone's friendship so badly? Hikaru mused.
When they fell in love, Kaoru answered.
*
It was almost a week later before Haruhi approached them about the matter again, and it wasn't like they hadn't all been talking and studying and hosting together, but she'd been keeping a certain subtle distance that they could appreciate. They still hadn't switched back and they didn't know why but theorized it was related to their emotional state. The whole week their hearts had been cold and wet and heavy, like a gray winter's day, and while the clientele of the Host Club certainly hadn't noticed, the twins knew that their set pieces had taken on a quality of loss-tinged wistfulness. They knew where the source lay, but they certainly couldn't blame Haruhi when the faults were in their own heart. They shared a bedroom but had separate beds, albeit ones that had always been pushed together. Recently, though, they'd taken to sleeping on the same mattress together, curled up comfortably together like a pair of nestled spoons. They thought none of this spoke well for them, and were beginning to get somewhat desperate about Haruhi giving them an indication of what she thought. But they refused to push her.
She packed her books and notes into her (cheap; not even real leather) satchel and smiled at them. The Host Club was meeting a little early that day to go over the quarterly business plans (boring, but they had to keep Kyouya happy and at least pretend to listen, otherwise he'd seek revenge and Kyouya could be scary) and brainstorm for new theme day ideas. They had an idea for an Arabian Nights theme but hadn't worked out a sketch yet for Haruhi's costume. While they thought she'd look adorable as a harem boy, an open front vest was right out and a closed front vest just wouldn't be the same. Maybe something with tassels? they idly wondered.
"You know," Haruhi commented as the three of them meandered toward the third music room, "it really doesn't matter."
"What doesn't?" Hikaru asked.
"That you're different," she replied, swinging her satchel slightly. Her head was tilted down; she looked at the carpet instead of either of them. "I like you both anyway."
"So you don't think we're freaks?" Kaoru asked softly, even though there was no one else in the hallway to hear.
She laughed, a bright skipping sound, and looked at each of them where they flanked her. "I've always thought that," she confessed. "Come on, you can't tell me that you think anyone in the Host Club is normal."
They blinked, not understanding what she meant. She was the only odd one, with her poor background.
She sighed, seeing the confusion writ large across their faces. "Never mind. But I do like you guys, regardless of whether you're different or the same."
And it wasn't quite as good as a confession of love would have been, but it still felt like a breath of fresh air gusting through a room, sweeping out all the stale emotions that had been laying dormant in their hearts. Slowly, they relaxed, previously unnoticed tension flowing out of their shoulders.
"You know, Haruhi," Kaoru said, "if you ever wanted to know what we mean by the set-up of being loved simultaneously by tightly-bonded twins being 'a maiden's ultimate romantic fantasy'...."
"I am not one of your customers!" she retorted.
"We know," Hikaru said, carefully laying one hand on her shoulder just as Kaoru did so on her other side.
"You're special," they breathed together, and brushed identical light kisses on her cheeks. She blinked as they drew back. One hand touched the cheek that Kaoru had kissed.
"I'll keep it in mind," she said, looking confused.
It was the best they could do, the closest they could come to an outright confession without the risk of being turned down and having that change things. If she was ever ready and interested, she knew they were there and willing. If not, at least they still had her friendship.
"We'd better hurry," Kaoru said. "Kyouya-sempai'll be mad if we're late today."
"He's scary when he's mad," Hikaru added.
She laughed. "I can believe that."
*
They slept with their hands curled together one another like a yin-yang symbol that night. Where one ended the other began. Their dreams were bright and wide open. Maybe the real reason people went to school was not to learn math and languages, but to learn about other people, their dreaming minds thought, opening the door to the third music room. Inside, Tamaki lounged on his chair, golden and smiling. Kyouya stood behind him, an efficient shadow writing in his ever-present file. Honey perched on Mori's shoulders, the cousins a yin and yang in a way that the twins never would be. Haruhi stood off to one side, looking far too good in her cross-dressing school uniform.
"Welcome to the Host Club," the five greeted them.
Hands linked, Hikaru and Kaoru smiled in their sleep and stepped forward into the room, the door closing behind them.
They didn't, not right away. It was one thing to have your friends figure out things on their own. It was another to tell the girl you liked that you and your brother and yourselves were freaks. Not when she liked you and laughed with you sometimes and had the desk between both of yours. They wanted to... they just couldn't. It felt like being in kindergarten all over again, wanting to go play with the other children but being frozen by sure knowledge of difference and rejection. The open door of possibility could shut itself by the implications of what might be on the other side, leaving them alone together again.
Kaoru said that telling her didn't have to include a confession as well. Hikaru replied that if they were going to tell her, they should tell her everything. Kaoru didn't see why. Hikaru replied that it was the principle of honesty. Haruhi just looked back and forth between the two of them and remarked that she felt like they were having a conversation behind her back. That shut them up and started them vocalizing a conversation about a different topic with her.
In their more honest moments they admitted to themselves that they were hoping she would be like the other Host Club members and approach them about the subject. They also knew that smacked of cowardice. So in the end, they settled on a compromise. They didn't tell Haruhi per se, but in-club they did drop some (though not all) of the pretenses they kept up around other people. Tamaki still hadn't twigged to their card-sharking him, though, and grabbed Haruhi to be his partner after all the other club members refused. She kept looking at the twins more often than her cards, though, and while the puzzled look on her face was close to the cutest thing ever, Tamaki's jealousy was even more amusing.
She kept watching them for the better part of two weeks, and Hikaru and Kaoru wondered what was going through her head. They were "normal" in class and while entertaining clients, but before and after hours of operation, they peeled back a few of the defensive layers they kept about themselves. They didn't bother as much with the studied differences in their ways of speaking and moving, letting their voices become more similar again. They sometimes sat conversing silently instead of making noise so that others felt more comfortable. They leaned against one another, shoulder to shoulder, back to back, instead of standing or sitting at an enforced difference and touching only in a "brothers and friends" manner. Personal space, in fact, disappeared. And they stopped "accidentally" bumping into one another entirely, releasing the illusion that they didn't always know exactly where one another were. For some reason, the two of them letting down their guard seemed to make the rest of the club relax a little as well. Mori smiled a little bit more. Honey's cuteness wasn't quite as hyperactive. Kyouya sent fewer raised eyebrows in their direction. Tamaki just seemed happier in general. It wasn't that they hadn't wanted real friends, they finally concluded, it was that they'd always thought that they couldn't have them. But somehow none of their sempai really seemed to mind either knowing or seeing that they were different than everyone else.
...It felt good to be accepted for themselves.
They were doing a Victorian theme day when Haruhi finally asked. They admired her pearl-gray suit and they liked the way her large eyes peeked out from beneath the top hat. "Why have the two of you been--" she started.
Hikaru hushed her with a finger on her lips. Kaoru glanced around and made sure Tamaki was elsewhere, discussing final plans for the theme with Kyouya. Silently they agreed it was the right moment. "You said once that the two of us might look alike but we were really completely different people," Hikaru reminded her.
She nodded. "Yes, but...."
"We are and we aren't," Kaoru said. Her eyes were confused. He leaned in close from the side and whispered a secret into her ear. "What one of us knows, we both do. What one thinks, the other does as well. What one feels, we both feel."
"Even when we're apart," Hikaru murmured to her, watching shades of expression cross her face.
"That's not possible," Haruhi refuted.
"There are more things in heaven and earth, my dear Haruhi, than are dreamt of in your philosophy," they informed her together.
"But that's for you to discover," Hikaru said blithely, straightening and adjusting her hat.
Kaoru tugged at the tails of her mourning coat, adjusting the lay of the garment. "Watch and see," he agreed.
They both took a step back and examined their handiwork. They grinned and gave a thumbs-up. "Perfect!" they said together. Her eyes were still bewildered, but this was Haruhi and she was passive-aggressive at best. Still it felt like a cold lump of fear in their stomachs as they went to Kyouya to get their client listing for the day. She knew, and while they were giving her time to absorb the information, to let it click into place with their behavior of recent weeks....
For the first time, they realized that liking someone the way they liked Haruhi meant handing them the power to hurt you.
They slept in tangled dreams that night and woke up as each other. They tied each other's ties that morning, as always, because anything I can do for myself I can do for you as well. They were mirrors before their mirror, and their mood was heavy and depressed, like the humid air before a summer rainstorm. There was an English test that day and they stumbled through it with less than their usual verve, identical marks on identical pieces of paper even with Haruhi's desk between them, and they did think that had been a clever bit of positioning on the part of the teacher when they'd been assigned desks this year. It wasn't obviously separating them but it was still an attempt to stop them from "cheating" off of one another. Too bad it was doomed to failure.
Haruhi stopped them for a moment as they were on their way out of the classroom to get lunch in the cafeteria. She already had her commoner's lunchbox out on her desk, of course, and her English textbook as well. She looked back and forth between the two of them, then simply asked "Why are you switched today?"
"It happens sometimes," Hikaru bluntly answered.
"We don't know why," Kaoru agreed.
"I see," she said, and went back to her studying.
They thought about it as they walked down to the cafeteria. They didn't know what she really thought yet (Hikaru thought she was still processing the information), but at least she hadn't jumped up, shrieked "Kya, you freaks!" and fled the classroom.
...Not that she would, Kaoru pointed out. Haruhi wasn't a very girly girl and certainly not the type to have that reaction even if the thought did disturb her. Still, they wanted her to like them. Even if she ended up with someone else, they thought they could deal with it. As long as they were still at least friends.
When had they ever wanted someone's friendship so badly? Hikaru mused.
When they fell in love, Kaoru answered.
It was almost a week later before Haruhi approached them about the matter again, and it wasn't like they hadn't all been talking and studying and hosting together, but she'd been keeping a certain subtle distance that they could appreciate. They still hadn't switched back and they didn't know why but theorized it was related to their emotional state. The whole week their hearts had been cold and wet and heavy, like a gray winter's day, and while the clientele of the Host Club certainly hadn't noticed, the twins knew that their set pieces had taken on a quality of loss-tinged wistfulness. They knew where the source lay, but they certainly couldn't blame Haruhi when the faults were in their own heart. They shared a bedroom but had separate beds, albeit ones that had always been pushed together. Recently, though, they'd taken to sleeping on the same mattress together, curled up comfortably together like a pair of nestled spoons. They thought none of this spoke well for them, and were beginning to get somewhat desperate about Haruhi giving them an indication of what she thought. But they refused to push her.
She packed her books and notes into her (cheap; not even real leather) satchel and smiled at them. The Host Club was meeting a little early that day to go over the quarterly business plans (boring, but they had to keep Kyouya happy and at least pretend to listen, otherwise he'd seek revenge and Kyouya could be scary) and brainstorm for new theme day ideas. They had an idea for an Arabian Nights theme but hadn't worked out a sketch yet for Haruhi's costume. While they thought she'd look adorable as a harem boy, an open front vest was right out and a closed front vest just wouldn't be the same. Maybe something with tassels? they idly wondered.
"You know," Haruhi commented as the three of them meandered toward the third music room, "it really doesn't matter."
"What doesn't?" Hikaru asked.
"That you're different," she replied, swinging her satchel slightly. Her head was tilted down; she looked at the carpet instead of either of them. "I like you both anyway."
"So you don't think we're freaks?" Kaoru asked softly, even though there was no one else in the hallway to hear.
She laughed, a bright skipping sound, and looked at each of them where they flanked her. "I've always thought that," she confessed. "Come on, you can't tell me that you think anyone in the Host Club is normal."
They blinked, not understanding what she meant. She was the only odd one, with her poor background.
She sighed, seeing the confusion writ large across their faces. "Never mind. But I do like you guys, regardless of whether you're different or the same."
And it wasn't quite as good as a confession of love would have been, but it still felt like a breath of fresh air gusting through a room, sweeping out all the stale emotions that had been laying dormant in their hearts. Slowly, they relaxed, previously unnoticed tension flowing out of their shoulders.
"You know, Haruhi," Kaoru said, "if you ever wanted to know what we mean by the set-up of being loved simultaneously by tightly-bonded twins being 'a maiden's ultimate romantic fantasy'...."
"I am not one of your customers!" she retorted.
"We know," Hikaru said, carefully laying one hand on her shoulder just as Kaoru did so on her other side.
"You're special," they breathed together, and brushed identical light kisses on her cheeks. She blinked as they drew back. One hand touched the cheek that Kaoru had kissed.
"I'll keep it in mind," she said, looking confused.
It was the best they could do, the closest they could come to an outright confession without the risk of being turned down and having that change things. If she was ever ready and interested, she knew they were there and willing. If not, at least they still had her friendship.
"We'd better hurry," Kaoru said. "Kyouya-sempai'll be mad if we're late today."
"He's scary when he's mad," Hikaru added.
She laughed. "I can believe that."
They slept with their hands curled together one another like a yin-yang symbol that night. Where one ended the other began. Their dreams were bright and wide open. Maybe the real reason people went to school was not to learn math and languages, but to learn about other people, their dreaming minds thought, opening the door to the third music room. Inside, Tamaki lounged on his chair, golden and smiling. Kyouya stood behind him, an efficient shadow writing in his ever-present file. Honey perched on Mori's shoulders, the cousins a yin and yang in a way that the twins never would be. Haruhi stood off to one side, looking far too good in her cross-dressing school uniform.
"Welcome to the Host Club," the five greeted them.
Hands linked, Hikaru and Kaoru smiled in their sleep and stepped forward into the room, the door closing behind them.
