[rd][fic][Transformers 2007 movie] What Do You Give An Autobot For Christmas?

[sakon76]

What Do You Give An Autobot For Christmas?
by K. Stonham
prereleased 18th December 2007

The problem with being friends with giant alien robots, Sam and Mikaela decided over their lunch in the mall's food court, was what to get them for Christmas. Car air fresheners just seemed tacky--like the cheap perfume Sam's mom got from Aunt Renee every Christmas and discreetly donated to the Goodwill a month later.

"Maybe, I dunno, gift certificates to carwashes?" Sam mused aloud, fork hovering over his tostada. "A bucket with soap and sponges and some wax, red bow on the handle?"

"Doesn't that seem a little like giving a bath set?" Mikaela asked, wrinkling her nose as she munched contemplatively on the end of a fry.

"Eh, I guess," Sam hedged, crossing "bath set" off his mental list of possible gifts for Mikaela. He took a drink of his soda and thought about it for a minute. "Maybe we're going about this wrong," he said finally. Mikaela raised an eyebrow at him. "Well, we've been thinking about car things to get them, but they're not, right? So... if you were a giant robot on a wierd planet filled with these tiny squishy lifeforms, what would you want?"

"A communications array capable of reaching Cybertron?" Mikaela guessed.

"Enough property to build a base?" Sam asked.

His girlfriend snorted. "Like we could afford that. Besides, isn't Congress tied up in authorizing that?"

"Mm." Sam thought about it for a second, then grinned. "I know what Ironhide would like."

Mikaela grinned too. "Guns. Lots of guns," they chorused, reciting a line from The Matrix.

"Media is out," Sam ticked off his fingers. "Their hands are too big to handle books or CDs or DVDs."

"Anyway, they can just download it all off the Internet," Mikaela agreed.

"Gift certs to gas stations, likewise."

"They hate hydrocarbon fuel. Which makes them smarter than humans."

Sam snorted. "No question there." He sighed, leaning his head on one hand as he poked at salsa-covered lettuce with his plastic fork. "The problem is," he said aloud, "how do you give someone home?"

"Mmm," Mikaela agreed. Another minute, then she asked, "And are we sure we shouldn't be, like, celebrating Hanukkah or Kwanzaa with them instead? I'm not even sure if Ratchet'd count as Christian."

"Midwinter holiday any way you slice it," Sam dismissed. "Besides, they're not Jewish or... whatever either. I asked Bumblebee."

"Pan-African," Mikaela promptly replied. She tilted her head slightly to one side, curiosity crossing her face. "So do they have a religion?"

"Bumblebee made it sound more like history, but I think so, yeah," Sam replied. "'And the AllSpark begat Primus'... stuff like that. Wicked."

"Wonder if they'd let us read it," Mikaela mused. "I mean, there are a lot of humans who think the Bible's the literal truth too."

Sam shrugged. "No reason the Bible and the Covenant of Primus can't coexist," he said philosophically. "Which is still not helping us come up with presents."

Mikaela sighed and propped her head in a hand. "What do you give a sentient giant alien robot for Christmas?" she asked despondantly.

Comments

[therhoda.livejournal.com]

i think the bath kits would work, i mean everyone needs soap. Of course I am giving everyone BPAL for christmas in their stockings so well i guess i not a good person to ask.

[robin99.livejournal.com]

Fabulous. Tho I'm slightly disappointed in Sam and Mikaela for not coming up with anything!

[sakon76.livejournal.com]

I think there's going to be a reciprocal piece titled something like "what do you give a human for Christmas" which will answer the question of what they came up with. :)

[rosieknight.livejournal.com]

*snickers* I wrote something similar in November, but much prefer your version of this idea.

[ghilledhu.livejournal.com]

As long as it doesn't turn into a "Gift of the Magi" situation, it's all good. ^_^

[robin99.livejournal.com]

Sweet! I can't wait for the next piece :D