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Date: 2010-05-02 06:03 am (UTC)
Okay. I have this way of commenting, when I really like a piece, wherein I’ll post the specific excerpt, and then write on it. XP Just explaining, because I’m not just CopyPasting your story into this comment box! Really. Well…not your ENTIRE story.

“Mytho suddenly smiled wickedly. “Of course, at some point there will need to be a knighting ceremony.”
Fakir’s eyes widened then narrowed. “No,” he said flatly.”

This was the first line which sent me into a guffaw of laughter. WHY can I SEE Mytho “smiling wickedly.” WHY?! You’ve made some kind of Siegfried and Raven!Mytho hybrid! …AND IT WORKS!
And I really liked Fakir’s reaction. Oooh the wordyness~

“She didn't think he knew that she knew about his birthmarks, scars from another lifetime, and didn't want to tell him when she'd seen them. It was a little embarrassing, having snuck into his dorm room. What if he thought she'd peeked in on him in the shower? The thought alone was enough to turn her bright red. Because except for that one time she'd never seen them. Fakir was always clothed. Mytho she'd seen half dressed any number of times, back when he was the prince without a heart, and she knew that his skin was pale and pure, unmarked by blemish or scar, which was really the way it ought to be. But Fakir was dark and imperfect, marked by tragedy, blade, and dance. She thought that Drosselmeyer, who was always too into things that hurt, would like Fakir better than any of the rest of them.
She didn't think she was like Drosselmeyer, but she liked Fakir best too.”

. . . Wow. Really just…wow. I’d actually forgotten that Fakir didn’t know that she’d seen his scar. I guess it’s just one of the things never touched upon again, like the question of whether or not Mytho knew that Tutu was Ahiru, as well as the little duck. The way you laced Fakir’s scar – and this slight jab at Mytho’s constant state of undress XD - into this was very nice. And the way you reason that he would probably have been Drosselmeyer’s favorite also worked very, very well! But best of all was how you write that, despite their differences, on this fact, she had to agree with the dead writer. Just…. A great touch!

“In the end they settled on a simple dress of blue (the shade matched her eyes, Rue declared, while Ahiru couldn't help thinking it was the same color as Fakir's favorite shirt) and white flowers in Ahiru's hair.”

Oh wow, I LOVED this! XD This is so TRUE! You really do start thinking about normal, everyday things in relation to the person you love rather an in relation to yourself. Just wonderful!

“(A part of her always would be in love with Mytho; Fakir acknowledged that, accepted it, and set it aside. After all, so would a part of him. The prince seemed to have that effect on people.)”

The way you describe their lingering feelings for Mytho is perfect. You say it all in a single phrase.

“Fakir tried not to make trouble. But he had to admit that making Ahiru blush was one of the things he took the most pleasure in. It was very easy, sometimes. And for the most part it was innocent. He tried very hard to remember that she wasn't of age yet, and to suppress any ventures into impure territory, no matter how ready he personally might be for it, or how ready she was slowly becoming. He was, after all, a knight.”

HA! Eeevil and Epic Fakir! XD The way you write them is just so on the mark and giggle inducing!!! Hurray~

"Of course," Ahiru said blandly, spearing a carrot piece and bringing it to her mouth, "I did tell them you were my knight. Ahiru, Fakir reminded himself yet again, had a keen sense of revenge.”


Allow me to reiterate the comment I made just previous to this one.
You write Fakir and Ahiru’s relationship SO on the mark. It’s fantastic!!!!

“And like Mytho, she was suited to battle, if more toward attacking the evil than he was protecting the innocent.”

Again, you capture the sentiment in a single phrase. This is the Perfect description of Rue, especially in contrast to Mytho.

Eek~ SO exited for the tournament in the next chapter!!! This chapter was wonderful and I enjoyed every bit of it. Must read on!
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