One's harshest critic.

[sakon76]

Paging through the story, already I'm dissatisfied with it. Aside from the minor changes here and there of typos and double-checking the color of Fakir's eyes (green, for those interested), I'm going "okay, this happens too quickly, that's not foreshadowed, and this feels like a collection of scenes rather than something with a cohesive plotline and intent." Which it kind of is, but I wonder how I ended up at the end when I hadn't intended to go that way from the beginning.

*researches what swans eat, and calls it a night*

Maybe it'll look better in the morning.