Recovered from dreaming
May. 27th, 2003 10:49 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sakon76It takes a while for me to be able to wake up from my dreams when I have them and can remember them.
Usually several hours, in fact.
I think I've now reached the "awake" point from last night's two dreams, though if I let myself I could still slip back into them and remember the ache of my muscles and my heart at Fushimi Inari Jinja. I want to go *back*.... Anything was worth that dawn. Anything was worth that climb alone. I was speaking Japanese in my *dreams*....
I wonder what's going on in my head. Usually I'll remember one dream a year, maybe two. This past month? Almost every night. My dreams are trying to take over my life, devour my soul. I've been writing like mad -and- keeping on top of my schoolwork. It's creepy. It's freaky. It's not like me. It's as though there's been this sudden upwelling in my head, as though some kind of dam of restraint has broken and all the words and ideas are coming out, spilling over, not content to say below the surface in unremembered night visions or to shape themselves into the occasional story, but being everywhere. I'm becoming like one of my mundane-world orig charas who "sees sideways" everywhere. A puddle flies up to become a butterfly; a cardboard box at the side of the road is a white crane, a girl walking on campus is transformed into an alien species... it doesn't feel like the madness of despair, but rather like the magic of wonder instead.
I think I'm beginning to live under the influence of the dreaming. It can't last, of course; human nature is transitory and the universe is emphereal and evanescent, but damned if I'm not going to enjoy it while I can.
In more mundane matters, I turned in my request at work last night for five days off for Fanime, as I will be working four days and I want one more to go visit my grandfather, and one day off for an evening final. The-manager-my-uncle commented that now that I've been made lead hostess I'm acting like one, asking for weekends off. I replied that at least it's not a *holiday* weekend. And he already knows I'm only going to ask for one day off for Anime Expo because I can't be at work and in the Masquerade at the same time. Unlike Yuki, I'm not twins. More's the pity. I'm actually extremely pissed off at his remark, because he's known for a month that I'm going to be working a convention. I also almost *never* ask for days off. The last time I did, I think, was asking for Christmas Eve as my one of the three holidays (Thanksgiving/Christmas Eve/New Year's Eve) I would get off this last holiday season. And I didn't take dance class this term just so I would be available seven nights a week should he need me. I'm not pissed off enough to quit, I need this job, I need to get out of debt by the end of summer, but I *am* still pissed off, make no mistake.
And, yes, I know I'm overreacting.
Usually several hours, in fact.
I think I've now reached the "awake" point from last night's two dreams, though if I let myself I could still slip back into them and remember the ache of my muscles and my heart at Fushimi Inari Jinja. I want to go *back*.... Anything was worth that dawn. Anything was worth that climb alone. I was speaking Japanese in my *dreams*....
I wonder what's going on in my head. Usually I'll remember one dream a year, maybe two. This past month? Almost every night. My dreams are trying to take over my life, devour my soul. I've been writing like mad -and- keeping on top of my schoolwork. It's creepy. It's freaky. It's not like me. It's as though there's been this sudden upwelling in my head, as though some kind of dam of restraint has broken and all the words and ideas are coming out, spilling over, not content to say below the surface in unremembered night visions or to shape themselves into the occasional story, but being everywhere. I'm becoming like one of my mundane-world orig charas who "sees sideways" everywhere. A puddle flies up to become a butterfly; a cardboard box at the side of the road is a white crane, a girl walking on campus is transformed into an alien species... it doesn't feel like the madness of despair, but rather like the magic of wonder instead.
I think I'm beginning to live under the influence of the dreaming. It can't last, of course; human nature is transitory and the universe is emphereal and evanescent, but damned if I'm not going to enjoy it while I can.
In more mundane matters, I turned in my request at work last night for five days off for Fanime, as I will be working four days and I want one more to go visit my grandfather, and one day off for an evening final. The-manager-my-uncle commented that now that I've been made lead hostess I'm acting like one, asking for weekends off. I replied that at least it's not a *holiday* weekend. And he already knows I'm only going to ask for one day off for Anime Expo because I can't be at work and in the Masquerade at the same time. Unlike Yuki, I'm not twins. More's the pity. I'm actually extremely pissed off at his remark, because he's known for a month that I'm going to be working a convention. I also almost *never* ask for days off. The last time I did, I think, was asking for Christmas Eve as my one of the three holidays (Thanksgiving/Christmas Eve/New Year's Eve) I would get off this last holiday season. And I didn't take dance class this term just so I would be available seven nights a week should he need me. I'm not pissed off enough to quit, I need this job, I need to get out of debt by the end of summer, but I *am* still pissed off, make no mistake.
And, yes, I know I'm overreacting.
